Jen's Chaotic Musings

Saturday, October 5, 2024

Friday, October 4, 2024

Well, today went to hell in a hand basket. I actually had a fleeting hint of concern when I saw the invite come through this morning. I had no idea that my day would go downhill when I got to the office that morning. My supervisor had scheduled to have a 'conference' with me. She actually came up to the office on her remote day for this conference. Yeah, it was one of those meetings and it turned into one of those days.

The conference started out asking me how I was doing and if I was feeling better. Then my supervisor says, "It was brought to my attention that there was an incident that occurred yesterday and then explained about what she was told. My new worker had gone to my supervisor after she had given me her LE letters to mail. They had actually had a meeting and were in the conference room. She told her that I was unprofessional and that I had lost my cool with her. 😵 Excuse me? How in the world is asking what all the extra paperwork is unprofessional? How is saying I wish people would tell me when things change unprofessional? This is my job!!! If changes are made, I need to be aware of them so I am not doing my job wrong!! WTH! I asked my supervisor if this was coming from my PA, and she said no, that it was coming from her. So, I sat there and explained how that 'incident' went, and mind you, my other supervisor was right there speaking to both of us when this took place. So, during this so called conference, I was enlightened on how we all need to work as a team and help each other, etc., etc. I was enlightened on my conduct. I was enlightened on how being stressed can cause irritability and mood changes. After my supervisor had her say, I told her that I have been stressed out lately, which is probably why I can't get well as fast. I let it out. I broke down and shed a few tears, but damn I was so angry on the inside. I told her about my daughter and what has been going on for months. I told her about my husband. Yes, things have been hard at home. Things are tight. And yes, it has been hard juggling what is happening in my personal life and at work. I do it. I still work, even when I am not feeling up to par. But I have never been unprofessional at work. I have always worked as a team player. The problem with team playing is that everyone needs to be on the same page. It's called Teamwork for a reason and the only way it runs smoothly is when we all know what is going on. If changes have been made then we all need to be made aware and trained the same way. But I am always trying to help out when needed, probably more so than any of the other admins. And yes, I do perform tasks that they do not. I am the one that makes the routing logs every month. I am the one in charge of the On-Call schedule that has to be kept updated, not only the paper copy, but in IMPACT as well. It is time consuming and when other admins decide they need to take off during crucial days like their routing week, it causes the back up router to have to stop what they are doing, stepping in to fill that role since they are out. When you have two admins take leave, that makes it even more difficult, as their duties have to be covered, too. At one point during the week, I was the only Tarrant county admin working, and that is just not fair. Honestly, things have not run smoothly for over a year, when the other two admins left. My team knew everything and we worked so well together. I miss them.

I was told that she understands that I have not been feeling as well, and then FMLA was brought up. She asked me if I had thought about taking leave. I have the hours. She had to at one time herself. She also gave me a brochure for our EAP program. Geez. By the end of this 'conference' I was definitely not feeling it. Especially when I was presented with a paper that I had to sign stating that we had this meeting and what was talked about. I signed it. I probably shouldn't have because I feel like by signing it, I am agreeing that I was in the wrong. I was not. I don't feel like this should have even taken place. I have had nothing but praise since I started this job. I have gotten two merit bonuses in the time that I have been working here. With the signing of this document to put in my personnel file, I am sure that won't happen again. Call it what you will, but I just got written up for the first time in my adult life for something that I feel just didn't happen. 😟

Thursday, October 3, 2024

On the mend and back to work

To say that I haven't been stressing here lately would be an understatement. This new variant of Covid kicked me down and I have been on another regimen of antibiotics fighting bacterial bronchitis. Trying to work, get well, and worrying constantly about what is going on at the house does not mix. I always said when my kids were older, that I would return working outside of the home. I just didn't expect to carry worry like my mother. I worry the most about my husband when he is out and about because while he is able to do most things still, his memory has been scaring me a little bit lately. I will tell him something and then a few days later, he will come back and say, "Oh, I heard this the other day," not remembering that I actually told him that. 😕

I really enjoy my job but today was just meh. I have been trying to get caught up on things when I had to take off. I was already behind on my PCS Reports but I did get caught up but I still have September to do. I had to route today for another admin, because her backup took off again. This is the second week in a row that this admin has taken off. Last week, she took off three days - and actually labeled them personal days - during her routing week. I have never taken off on my routing week. That is why we have a schedule, so you can schedule days around it. I was made to take off the last two days during my routing week by my PA. I could have easily worked from home, but they refused that request. We already lost one of our remote days, and I think it is just a matter of time before we lose the other. So this afternoon, between routing cases as I was discussing some things with the supervisor of my other unit, one of my new workers came around to my cubicle. She had a law enforcement letter that needed to be mailed and a lot of paperwork with it. I asked her about the extra paperwork (including a cover letter that I had emailed my supervisor the day before about, which she hadn't see before either) and was given this look which I took as meaning 'why am I asking her this because I should know' and told me that I just needed to mail it out for her. She wasn't rude but her tone made me feel like she was asserting herself over me. Sure I can mail this letter. I mail them all the time. I have mailed them since I began this job almost three years ago. It doesn't change the fact that now we are mailing out externals with these letters and no one was nice enough to inform the admin. In fact in the letter, it states documents can be mailed if requested. So, I said "Okay, not a problem, I just wish they would tell us, and this is not at you, but they need to tell us when something changes so we know. I have never mailed out externals with any of these letters before." She actually had two letters and different documents for each, which confused me, but I got it and they both got mailed out. The communication between people, and I am including upper management too, at my job is horrible these days. It makes things more difficult when we are not on the same page. 😶