Feelings of hopelessness...

One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is “The choices we make dictate the life we lead” is from the movie Renaissance Man by Bill Rago (Danny Devito).

In April 2001, I became a mom, and I was over the moon with joy. The decision to be a Stay-at-Home mom was instant. I was also a caregiver to a parent, became mom to a beautiful daughter with Autism, and had a few part-time jobs here and there. None of my part-time jobs would be considered career-worthy. In 2013, my husband and I pulled both kids out of public school to homeschool. It was the best choice for our family and we thought our children deserved a more rounded education than the school was providing. In March 2016 our world changed with my husband suffering a Traumatic Brain Injury as well as sustaining multiple injuries to his shoulder, elbow, and hip. Two years of Brain Therapy resulted in a medical retirement from his job and filing for Social Security Disability.

My husband can no longer work, which has resulted in me having to thrust myself out into the job market in my late 40s. I do not have this spectacular work history or volunteer work to represent my skillset. The knowledge that I have gained over the decades in computers and experience in administration is through determination and an enjoyment of learning on my own, but no one considers this to be applicable. There is no college degree stating I am a graduate with honors. Age 50 is approaching rapidly and most prospective employers would consider me outdated and too close to retirement, but they will never admit it. Believe it or not, most employers are looking for fresh out of college, younger adults. I have applied for many positions that I know I am qualified to do, and continue to read rejection letter after rejection letter. Retail and fast food jobs do not provide the hours, nor will they be consistent in providing a living wage. At my age, I have the right to look for a job that is going to create stability for my family, as I would be the breadwinner now. I also have health issues I have to take into concern and being on my feet hours upon hours a day will just result in me not being able to work. Believe me when I say I have tried this and it is the direct result of why I am no longer employed at Marshalls.

I finally find someone willing to offer me a position ... contingent on THREE letters of reference from previous employers (four months plus employment) and I can only produce ONE.

No. I will never regret my decision to become a Stay-at-Home mom, but I never thought I would be punished for it so many years later.😞

These last few years have resulted in feelings of hopelessness and despair. A state of constant depression mostly well hidden, but nonetheless there. So many nights I go to bed in tears, wondering how I will be able to continue to just get beat down. Then I think of my husband and my kids.